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Temporal Loops & the Eyeball Roll

06/06/2016 15:53

Since last week I more than met my quota of swear words, this week I will insert the eyeball roll instead.  Some things in life may just be worthy of the eyeball roll & not much more.  They are the instances of inconvenience & reindeer like games yet nothing monumental.  There are 2 recent experiences that gave my eyeballs a work out.  One is like a temporal loop & the other is an eyeball roll with an end in sight.

Have you found yourself losing track of the number of times you have the same variation of previous conversational topics?  Hey, I am not referring to the “hot enough cold enough for you” or the “are you working hard or hardly working” lines.  Those are truly annoying I find however worthy of a mini eyeball roll at best.  If you are a parent you have likely at some point or perhaps on countless occasions heard the words from your child(ren) of “it’s not fair because {so & so} has {insert material object} & I don’t.”  For the umpteenth time our middle son used that looping sentence with me last week.  In my opinion our children are beyond fortunate to live in a corner of the world that offers immeasurable freedom, safety, a picturesque tree lined street, all the healthy foods & baked yummies a person could hope to enjoy, a comfie home, a family that loves them & the list goes on.  Still that keeping up with the Joneses thing is alive & well in society.  I guess that is something that carries on if we let it.  Comparison though I have found is far from comforting.  I am grateful for the life I have complete with the mess of type 1 & more.  My life is my beautiful mess & I feel comfort in knowing that I am far from perfect & my life does not need to be either to be cherished & accepted.  I give the idea of keeping up with the Joneses the dramatic eye roll that it deserves.  And I extend the concept of keeping up with the Joneses as well to diabetes management.  Some of my type 1 friends have A1C’s starting with a 5 & some friends have A1C’s higher than mine or the same but each one of us is a beautiful original.  When I see a chat starting up in a support group with fellow people living with type 1 & fingers start getting pointed or judgments are handed down for blood sugar numbers that are too high I get the heck away from that.  I am not interested in arguing about who has better diabetes control.  The variables in each one of our lives are infinite & I look at my wavy line of blood sugar swings through the eyes of a process control with faulty brakes but not a faulty operator.  I know I work overtime on the process control involved in diabetes management.  If you live with type 1 you most likely work overtime too.  I send you a wink versus an eyeball roll & I add in a smile for good measure.  There is no need to compete in the wrestling ring of diabetes management.  Instead, I am choosing to cheer on my fellow battle buddies living with type 1 versus trying to keep up with anyone one way or another.  Wow wee, I have now deviated big time. And now back to our son’s words of entitlement.  My response to him was, “does your friend seem happy with all those things?”  And I added, “Do you know anyone with less stuff who is pretty happy?”  Our middle son is a beautifully honest person & immediately responded with “no my friend with all the stuff is not that happy but seems to want more.”  Next he said, “I get what you mean.”  Extrapolating from that to diabetes I realize that I am every bit as happy now as I was prior to being diagnosed with diabetes.  Although my health kind of sucks some days I don’t feel like I am or have less than enough.  I did not & do not welcome diabetes into my life but despite type 1 I am still grateful me.  And I am still a feisty rascal working on patience & I suppose high blood sugars don’t help in that process.  High blood sugars make me want to swear more but this week I am committed to the eyeball roll.  The week is young so I will have my work cut out for me ha ha.

The second eyeball roll is temporary but aggravating.  Some things remain fresh in our minds don’t you find no matter how much time goes by?  That can be a blessing at times if it is a memory of a treasured experience.  Other times the memory may not be that great.  Again this is eyeball rolling territory version of not great & nothing more.  Here is an aerobatic eye roll of an example.  The perpetual statement that I have made for the past 5 years of just getting one more years use out of my vehicle has come to the land of reality.  While I would like to update my now 17 year old mode of transportation before the floor boards rust right through & I am driving a Fred Flintstone like car, the process of replacing the “dogmobile” is aggravating big time.  I am not too interested in bells & whistles, the cat & mouse game & doing the hokie pokie  involved in car negotiations.  The smoke & mirrors game that takes place while trying to make a vehicle deal drives me up the wall.  You know it is time to say goodbye to a vehicle when even your mechanic is encouraging an upgrade.  Frankly as I go through the hours & hours of hassle involved with car deals my rascal brain tells me to insist that they throw in a brand new fully functioning pancreas to seal the deal.  That would make it all worthwhile.  More double espressos will fuel my reluctant self to get this deal stuff over & done with.  And because I am a kid at heart I am going to reward myself with a cupcake from my favourite gf bakery.  As a humorous aside, when I was a kid I had a moment that I most certainly remember taste wise.  It was the time that I got the brilliant idea that it was time to taste soap as a kid which is a bad idea it goes without saying.  There has only been one cupcake flavor that I found less than enjoyable from the addictive gf bakery in our small corner of the world.  It was one I had just after mother’s day which was a lavender cupcake.  At the time it just looked, smelled & seemed like a real girly girl cupcake that would be perfect with tea so I saved it for a special occasion tucked away in my freezer.  The cupcake though brought me back in time to that taste of soap so lesson learned.  Eyeball roll at myself for not having a bit more foresight to choose a cupcake flavor that smelled more like perfume than a bakery treat.  It kind of looked like the cupcakes from the scene from The Cat in the Hat which is strangely not a bad thing (the version starring our Ontario born Mike Myers).  Canadians are funny.  I love that. 

So it turns out I have nothing to actually curse about I know.  Basically most of this stuff does not really even qualify for an eyeball roll.  Even without a properly functioning pancreas I realize my life is still pretty sweet.  It is a perfect mess some days yet I know that I have what I truly need.  And on top of that I am a lucky enough rascal to be surrounded with inspiring & encouraging friends & family.  I am pointing at you.  Here’s the wink & smile & no trace of eye ball roll.

My heart’s hope for you is that you are having the kind of week that requires at best an eyeball roll & better still the knowledge that you have everything that truly matters.  Smiles, Saundie :)

Have a gentle week.  Next Monday's story is percolating in the creative ether that is my brain :)