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Because I don't want to be a Doppio

29/08/2016 01:13

As a fun disclosure I would like to share with you that I am doing something that I have not done before.  No, it is not skydiving or zip lining or anything adventurous like that.  Instead I am out of necessity (or poor planning on my part) writing without a single drop of coffee in my rascally system this morning.  And apparently I am being cheerful about it according to friendly feedback.  A homemade protein shake in tow & off I went flying out the door for an early morning appointment at the detailing car shop to have my new vehicle protected against stone chips.  After driving a van previously for 17 years I remain more excited than most people almost 2 months after purchasing a new non van vehicle so I am still washing it by hand & keeping it shiny & strategically parking in the back forty when I go to the grocery store in the hopes that it will not get dinged.  I decided to wait at the shop while my vehicle is being completed.  Last night I planned that I would pack up my tablet so I could write.  Of course I envisioned being caffeinated too but well you know that snooze button has a life of itself almost gravitating itself to me like a magnet begging to be pressed over & over again.  Ergo, no coffee & surprise not a coffee shop in walking distance.  Here endeth the obsessing over that which is not.


For the past month I have been on the lookout for reasons to be grateful on purpose.  Every day I make it my mission to be thankful about something & it is usually pretty easy.  As my health has declined & the medical appointments have ramped up again I have gone into super protection mode as far as my attitude goes.  The things to be thankful about are still very much there however when we don’t feel well it can be more difficult to wipe the fog from our eyes to notice the things we are usually grateful for.  That is my experience at least.


Turning over a calendar can be a big deal or not.  In tearing off the month of July & seeing August I was reminded diabetes style that yikes here I go again.  All my blood test numbers beginning in August, September & October are going into what seems like big brother watching mode because these 3 months will record my A1C for my next Endo. appointment.  I have not done an at home A1C test since my last Endo appointment which was 3 months ago even though I had made a personal goal of checking my A1C once a month.  Luckily it was kind of a silent goal I had imposed upon myself.  Honestly I have not wanted to see the A1C number that would be rearing its ugly head via my at home A1C testing kit.  It is not so much that I want to live in denial.  It is more a case of knowing that I had the deck stacked against me & I tried with all my rascally might to manage diabetes.  Diabetes kicked my butt as far as high blood sugars for weeks on end.  It was sort of a domino affect though since inflammation had been happening big time in my joints compliments of PA which I am following up on.  It did not seem to matter how many corrections & updating of my basal profiles & adjustments to my bolus...I just did not get in range for weeks.  That can feel pretty damned discouraging & you know that only too well if you live with type 1 and or any other chronic beasts.  I have been & continue to be determined however to make the very best of every day & my life no matter what life throws my way good or bad. 


It can be great fun to reward ourselves once we have completed something that we know is good for us yet such a pain in the butt to do.  In the case of diabetes, going for lab work to find out A1C results as well as the 2 follow up appointments (one with my endo & the other with my diabetes centre team) qualifies big time as good for me actions yet also qualifiers for a reward afterwards.  How great is it that one of my favourite coffee shops seems to be well located for each of these appointments.  As a funny sidebar I still get highly amused when I go to the lab & notice how grouchy the general audience is there because most people are fasting before testing.  Although I admit to being a fully fledged coffee hound I sure hope that my friendly disposition & ability to hold off on my caffeination are not affected to the point of being miserably behaved towards others.  I am 3 hours late for my caffeination so far this morning for example & several people have commented on what an enthusiastic morning person I am.  Imagine if I were properly caffeinated then...I could likely lift my vehicle onto the overhead lift with my will alone ha ha .  The first thing I do after I go to the blood lab is stop for a double espresso & it tastes like the thing that dreams are made of because I have had to practice delayed gratification & plus I feel I have earned it big time by having to be poked by a bigger needle at the lab.  My Endo’s office is conveniently located across the road from one of my favourite coffee spots.  After those appointments I look forward to a yummy double espresso as well.  If the appointment has gone especially well I even treat myself to a gf & df peanut butter cup because chocolate & peanut butter are the perfect marriage of flavours to me.  My diabetes centre appointment is always scheduled a week or 2 after my endo appointment & how about that...this same coffee shop is right in the building.  It is a ground hog day experience (reference the movie) if my follow up goes better than usual.  The last couple of appointments have not qualified me beyond the double espresso.  I admit that I am way harder on myself than any medical professional ever has been.  I set lofty goals & expect a lot from myself especially where my family & health are concerned.  I feel like a little kid awaiting a trip to the ice cream shop once I come out of my labs, endo appt and diabetes centre appointments.  I am one profoundly big time lucky rascal because I have an exceptional endocrinologist as well as diabetes centre team. 


One of the things that I have learned along the way is that life can get heavy for anyone.  When you live with type 1 and or other 365s the load can get big time heavy.  I don’t want to be constantly weighed down especially on my outlook on life so I choose things to be grateful for each day as well as little things to look forward to.  I like to plan little celebrations of the “hey you made it through” that kind of moments.  It helps a lot.  I knew at the time when I could not walk for several days right on my calendar birthday last month that I would still celebrate & by George I could choose my own birthday date this year ha ha.  If things go well, I am targeting a day in September to celebrate another year of being 29.    The plan is to go to my favourite teahouse all dressed up...maybe even wearing a fancy tea hat with a full tankard of insulin in tow & enjoy a yummy lunch & of course dessert.  Oh, and my favourite coffee shop is across the road from the teahouse so for sure I will stop & get a double espresso for the drive back home.  I am a doppo that way...a doppio for my coffee that is. 


It looks as though I have inadvertently put myself through a psych experiment because it is T plus 4 hours since I would usually have had my coffee & I am shocked to experience just how good of a mood I remain in.  Maybe for me it is not so much the coffee but rather the looking forward to savoring it that is the treat. It is a surprise to me that is for sure. 


Being grateful every single day on purpose as well as having things to look forward to in the future has made all the difference while I climb out of this summer time valley of challenges health wise.  Speaking of climbing, one of the things that I have missed the most is my fast walks down to the lake & back in my small corner of the world.  I am getting closer to being able to make that a reality again.  And I remind myself that my very favourite season of the year is autumn so I am highly motivated to be rehabbed to the point where I can do these walks with the leaves crunching cheerfully under my caffeinated feet by then!  In the meanwhile I am about to get my doppio (double) espresso because I don’t want to be a “dopeo” (yes, another made up word for my ever expanding collection) this afternoon aka falling asleep because adventures albeit them ever so tiny are awaiting. 


My heart’s hope for you is that when life gets heavy you have a long list of gratitude’s & a plan as well for wee things that you enjoy looking forward to.  And yes, sometimes celebration dates & diabetes don’t magically cooperate at times.  For Pete’s sake, reschedule those celebrations but never, ever, ever cancel any of these joy-filled days permanently.  A calendar is a guidepost for everyday life but just because something wonderful falls on a sucky health day does not mean that we have to say goodbye forever to that celebration.  Reschedule that celebration!  Create more celebrations I say!  And as my Dear Heart Dad so beautifully said via a timely & lasting quote by Annette Funicello, “life does not need to be perfect to be wonderful.” 


Smiles,   Saundie :)

As always be gentle with yourself.  Continuing the theme of rescheduling celebrations...today is my husband's & my anniversary & yes, it is also being added to the list of rescheduled celebrations out of necessity yet it will be so sweet to look forward to enjoying this as well in autumn :)  I remain hopefilled about having the best autumn yet this year & I am stirring in a healthy helping of feisty determination & willpower to try to make that happen.  Don't we all need a constant influx of hope & determination most days!  My Dad has it right though with the quote he shared over 6 months ago.  Life is indeed messy & still it is pretty wonderful by choice most of the time.  As always I am cheering for you on the good days & the not great ones doubly so.  xo

The next story will be shared on Monday September 19th :)